Curse You Stairs!!!

For a while now, I knew my porch steps have had it out for me. They tasted blood last year when I slipped and fell down, causing my tail bone to hurt for several weeks after. This year I knew they'd be wanting more.

The saga began this weekend when I had noticed some icy buildup occurring. I grabbed my rock salt supply and got to work, trying to head them off at the pass. Instead, this just seemed to anger the stairs and more ice formed. Hacking away with a shovel was ineffective and the only thing to be done was to just be careful going up and down (mostly down, up wasn't so bad).

Fast forward to yesterday morning. It had gotten warmer out so all of the ice and snow on the stairs had melted into something of a slush. I knew that if I didn't clear them off right then it would be game over for me when I got home from work since they would just re-freeze into an even slicker, more smooth ice sheet. I grabbed my shovel and got to work, clearing them off. I thought I had won.

I was wrong.

I came home from work last night to discover that they had totally iced over again. Luckily I had some more rock salt in my car, but I made the unfortunate choice to navigate the steps to put my stuff into my apartment first and then take care of the ice later. I began walking down the steps, taunting them that I was going to get some more rock salt to end this madness once and for all.

It was then that they decided to strike. The second step from the top had had it with me. Boom! I found myself laying flat on my back, somehow at the bottom of the stairs. Immediately I noticed that I hadn't fallen straight on my butt like I did the last time, but I turned a little bit. So at least now it's not going to hurt to sit down for 5 weeks, but…it's still not going to be fun.

I got the last laugh though. You see, the stairs had ejected me towards where my secret weapon (the rock salt) was stored. I could hear their screams of defeat as I showered them with salty crystals, taking much more satisfaction than I probably should have out of it. A couple whacks with my shovel when I returned home from turning in my paper at school and hanging out with my friends and the stairs had been defeated.

For now.

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